Cannot Get Over My Loss of My Boy Ari
Well, its been over a year and I cannot yet let go of my Ari. I have a meltdown more than I can deal with and actually want to leave this earth and take my girl Sevin with me.
Terriable to say, but it seems that I do not want to go on without him. I think that the breeder feels somehow it was my fault as we have no conversations anymore, and my guilt about the whole situation will not leave.
I try hard not to let Sevin see me in these melt downs, but when she does, I know that I am also hurting her as she still misses him. I got her a new toy and for some reason she thinks it is him, so she hides it and brings it out once in awhile and puts it in my lap and wants me to hold it while she licks it like taking care of a new puppy.
Its still too much for me to handle. I know how stupid it sounds but I just want him back. I have gone to counceling but with no change. I know I will not let anyone else take care of my Sevin so I will be with her until her time is up and then I really have no motivation to stay on this twisted earth.
Sometimes when I am really bad, I have thoughts of taking Sevin with me sooner, but she is a healthy, vibrant wonderful dog who deserves to live out her life so keeping that in mind helps me.
I appreciate being able to write this down so thank you for reading and maybe you will judge me, but I dont care what anyone thinks of me, my only concern is that my Sevin is healthy and that I can continue to care for her in the way she is accustomed to. Thank you again Misha
Total German Shepherd
I am so sorry for your loss. Please remember that your loving Sevin counts on you for so much and your cues to her are seen by her in so many ways in which you may have not even thought of it. I know she feels your pain too and if she felt any love at all for your boy Ari, which I'm sure she did, I am sure she grieves as well.
You both need to lean on each other to get through this. It does get better. I promise you that.
I have suffered the loss of many pets over my lifetime and can honestly say that I feel as though they would have all wished me to go on to complete my life before meeting them one day at the rainbow Bridge. Pets love us so much they would never wish us to do anything so drastic as to take our own lives.
I appreciate that you are using counseling as a tool. And while I am in no way a professional in matters of that kind, I can tell you that there are groups out there that work with grieving pets and pet owners. Please find one in your area and give them a try. You may find it comforting.
But please carry on for your Sevin. Don't discount her presence - she needs you too - all of you! And you need her. You can help each other get through this if you let her help you. But please don't give up - it does get better! I promise you this! And I will keep you both in my thoughts.